A writer's interpretation of the modern world.

Dear Future Offended Friend,

I write this letter as an advanced apology for offending you. I know it is bound to happen at some point or another, so I have decided to just get this over with right now. If you come to me angry, offended, hurt or torn I am simply going to send you the link to this post.

You see, I am a writer. That means I have free rein to write about what I want, who I want and when I want. And if I know you, happened to be born into your family, was raised by you, worked with you, fought with you, had a class with you, was taught by you, slept with you or even just saw you across the street minding your own business, your likeness is mine. If you find this to be an issue, I strongly recommend you never meet me or never let me see you across the street pumping your gas or getting coffee. That also means you must make absolutely sure not to stand out in any way humanly possible. And I realize this may be hard to do since I know so many people, am very observant and travel so often from here to there. But believe me it’s a harder task for me not to write! (See paragraph two, “…I am a writer…”)

I will not be fair when I write about you. I will be honest. If I hate(d) you, I will say so. If I loved you, I will also say so. If I thought you were a hack, a goddess, a tyrant, a gentlemen, boring, brilliant, pathetic, a man when you were really a woman, a woman when you were really a man, ugly, beautiful, a liar, wealthy, disgusting, good at Checkers, spoiled, brought up right, bad at sex, etc I am going to tell it like I see it.

If you’re afraid I’m going to tell the world horrible things about you, you’ve got (or had, depending on when you’re reading this) two choices:

1. Steer clear and be as ordinary as possible. But not too ordinary or you’ll really stand out!
2. Don’t be a horrible person. (If you’re related to me, this is your only option.)

I do hope you can find it within yourself to accept my apology in advance. And if you don’t, I’ll be sure to write about it. I’ll even leave the door open for you to write about me as well.

Kind Regards,
Lex White

Most people I know love Friday mornings.  It represents the 12 hour countdown to the weekend.  5, 4, 3, 2, 1 hour ’til party time, hard drinks and bright shiny lights.  People dig it.  I dread it.  Friday mornings mean 1 major decision I have to make every week.  That’s 4 times a month and 52 times a year.  And it’s no fleeting decision. It’s a decision I’ll have to live with for the subsequent 2-4 days.  It’s serious. 

What jeans am I going to wear?

Okay I know what you’re thinking.  But It’s not as easy as it seems because I’m not like everyone else.  I change my jeans twice a week max despite the fact that  I have 12-15 pairs of jeans at my disposal.  And trust me, 12 jeans is a feat for me.  I had 42 pairs at one point.  I eventually had to get rid of them because Friday mornings were just causing me too much anxiety.

It’s a ritual really.  You’ve got to change belts, file receipts, put away change, empty the miscellaneous “garbage” that never actually makes it to the trash can and just sits on your dresser and then you have to decide to hang the damn things back up or throw them in the hamper.  And even once that’s done you’ve still got to appoint the chosen pair of the new week, apply the belt, fill up the pockets and hope to God the jeans match with the shirts you randomly pull from the closet the rest of the week/end.  

So maybe you don’t think my choice is as tough as Sophie’s, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.
-Lex

A few weeks ago I heard a legend about the Kogi Truck, a Korean BBQ Taco Truck, that travels all around Los Angeles.  To find the Kogi Truck you have to go to their website (http://kogibbq.com/) or their Twitter (http://twitter.com/kogibbq).  They announce their schedule 1 week in advance. 

Luckily for me, they happened to be stopping around the corner from my office.  So needless to say I took a detour and my new Flip MinoHD.  (Just take a look at the quality…!)  In line I met Linda, who drove all the way from Anchorage to Los Angeles to get a taste of these famous tacos.

Driving from Anchorage, Alaska for the Kogi Truck from Lex White on Vimeo.

Was it worth it?  Yes.

-Lex

Every office has its quirks and its quacks.  But if you want more quirks and more quacks, you need to work in software or web development, preferably in California @ Los Angels or San Francisco.  We’re the guys that won 1st place in the Science Fair by bringing hamsters back from the dead with Energizer batteries, disappeared from the face of the Earth and then came back with little money-making ideas like user friendly operating systems.

If you’re curious, this video about sums up 1 day in my life at the office.

Auto Tuning from Casey D on Vimeo.

-Lex

Actually, no.

St. Patrick’s Day is without fail the 1 day of the year I am the most unlucky. For starters, I oversleep maybe 3 days out of the year and today happened to be one of them. Then when I finally did manage to scramble out of the apartment and get to my car, my gas light turned on.

So now, I’m walking to my office amused at how many green suits, skirts, t-shirts and scarves I see swarming down the street. Everyone is wearing green. Green hats, green socks, green wristbands, watches, ties! Everyone except for me, that is. Thank God. Until I look down and realize that out of the 20+ t-shirts I have hanging in my closet, in my haste, I happened to grab the ONLY green t-shirt I have.

I’d say it’s the luck of the Irish, but I’m clearly not Irish. This is something else. This is the universe’s spite for Lex White. And I will get my revenge…

Tomorrow.

-Lex

My hosting administrator sent me an e-mail a month ago threatening to shut down my blog until I upgraded to version 2.7 of Word Press. I’ve apparently had this blog for so long and have been so poor at upgrading the database that my blog alone had become a serious security threat the billions of other websites on the world wide web. But rather than be the diligent, responsible webmaster I should have been, I chose to ignore the request and simply avoid updating my blog. For some reason I figured if I just didn’t update my blog, maybe he’d forget that I needed to upgrade at all.

Well, he didn’t forget and my blog was removed. Arg. A little in shock and a little ticked off (I never make any backups) I begged for an extension and my account was temporarily restored. Saved, I thought. But not quite. I once again avoided upgrading the WP database, hoping that he’d soon forget. Nope. This time he didn’t take it down. He just made it ugly and erased all my hard-earned themes, leaving me with a that sick Classic blue and white theme.

Okay Hosting Administrator, I got it. I upgraded the damn thing.

You win.

P.S. – Did I mention I lost eeeeveerything during my ugprade?

-Lex